My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
