just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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