I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
