So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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