Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
