When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
