im six kinds of drunk right now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
