So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
