they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
