I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
