I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
