At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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