ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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