im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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