took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Everything about him screamed your future.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
