wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
