I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
