I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
