you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
