some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
