Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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