He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
