it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
