So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
