I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
