I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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