Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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