Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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