I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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