hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
