who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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