He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
