So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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