Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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