If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
