i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
