got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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