I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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