woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
