D3 body, D1 cock
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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