is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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