ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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