I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
