She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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