sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
