I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
