How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
