As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
