Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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