My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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