I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
