Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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