discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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