I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize