i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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