I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
