I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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