Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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