you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
