Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
