Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize