on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
