Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
