he shaved USA in his pubs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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