What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
