Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize