I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
