i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
