I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
