I wish I could teleport
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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