How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
