but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize