Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
