Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
