either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
