I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were destined to go to rehab together
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
