I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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