she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
