Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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