No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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