You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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