Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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