oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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